It is the second week of law school. One indication of the state of affairs now is that I intended to write this entry last night. Oh well...Law school is much more structured than undergrad, there is actually something specific and specialized we are supposed to learn- which is much better than undergrad which seemed so random and pointless. This is the real deal- I don't have a two or three day leave before I can do my homework, it has to be done the next day, and this is enforced by random questioning...Oh well...

I want to have spiritual growth. I have really altered my outlook spiritually, in a large part because of a Naqshbandi shaykh who visited by neighborhood last summer. I attended his lectures, and spent some time at the madrasa he was staying at (only a block away), where I even spent the night. I took copious notes on his lectures. I also met a couple of young murids there, who I am still in contact with; we met independently once after that. I became very interested in the Naqshbandi path after that.

One practice which I continue (attempting) to keep is wuquf-i-qalbi- the continuous remembrance of God in one's heart, no matter what business one is engaged in. It is silent, and mental- remembering the existence of Allah, the fact that He is supporting one's existence at every moment, His compassion...and most importantly, the verse, "Remember Me, I will remember you," and "I am the Companion of the one who remembers Me." After all, as one Naqshbandi shaykh pointed out, if at a given moment, you split open the heart of a Muslim and that of a non-believer, and you find that both are absent from the remembrance of God, is there really that much difference? Alhamdulilah, of course there is nothing specifically Naqshbandi about that, but it is something Iv'e now been trying to inculcate after being in the prescence of the shaykhs and their students.

Although I technically took the oath of tawba to the shaykh, basically I refrained from actually joining the tariqa because it would require giving up the life of sin- I hope that Allah makes a way out for me, and allows me to marry Tuty and so avoid any traces of haram in my life. But either way I want to start reciting the Quran daily, remain in wuquf-i-qalbi, maybe fit some tahajud into my schedule etc.  

I was sort of feeling overwhelmed yesterday, a bit depressed. Partly I missed Indonesia/Nusantara, I was thinking, wow I was free there, in a place where I fit in, where the possibilities were almost limitless. Partly this was because of a new acquaintance- Bob, a white American convert graduate student I recently met, whose wife is from Indonesia (Bugis). Predictably I got into a conversation with them, and they invited me for dinner at their place, it was very fun. But it reminded me of my old days there- being a country kid, shooting the breeze, having adventures everyday, meeting girls who were interested in me (haha, that's how I remember it). But alhamdulilah...Allah opens up His subtle mercies however He wills- He make a beautiful flower sprout from the most barren cliff. Browsing through the clubs at UC Davis, I saw a Malaysian Students Association (MASA), and shoot the pictures looked exactly like PBM, the Malay club in Singapore, girls in tudongs, minas (though no mats) cultural events, etc. I mean here in Davis, the middle of nowhere, hours away from home, I found some of what I left behind. Haha, I wonder if I'll be able to go to Malaysia through the club (like I did back last, last August)- naw, that'll probably be harder. Oh well, alhamdulilah, I hope I'll have enough time to participate, given the demands of law school.

So yeah...law school. I have to keep on schedule. I definitely have to manage time well...On another positive note. The library here is pretty great...and having access to money freely is quite good as well (I learned my lesson quite well from my Starbucks days). Nothing major though, just buying a few books to help with my spiritual development. I plan to take another course on sunnipath.com, as a way to sort of make up for not taking the tariqa...

I graduated today, techincally yesterday since it is after 1 AM now (I just got back from work at Starbucks). Okay...I feel very complicated. First the immediate: my parents organized a huge get-together on Friday for me...present were my grandmother, many aunts, uncles, etc. I felt quite nervous this weekend, especially around my grandmother, for various reasons. I had mixed feelings on everything. I didn't really think it was much of a milestone because 1) I'm continuing school next fall, this is only one preparatory part out of the way 2) I found the schoolwork pretty easy in general 3) It was easy since my situation was basically that of a full-time student with all his expenses paid, unlike many people who must work their way through school 4) It wasn't, at essence, really my choice. With all that said, I believe I deserve blame if I didn't graduate (in light of reasons 2 and 3) but a celebration because I did? Anyway, I feel semi-bad because wasn't really enthusiastic about this event; there were a few reasons 1) I was genuinely more focused on my schoolwork and assuring that I could indeed graduate 2) I was sorta bitter because such an important part of my life- being in Southeast Asia was basically being shoved in the background (long story) in what was supposed to be a commemoration of the last 4 years. For me an event worthy of being celebrated is how I became independent while living abroad- I became more decisive, etc. But anyway I feel bad about my parents- Iv'e had a rocky relation with both of them; my mother and I do not "communicate" well in the sense of mutual understanding and perception; in conversation it helps to be cognizant of what your listener is feeling, and the situation, and make decisions on what to say based on what will be less likely to bring conflict. But I don't feel my mother speaks to be like that...I actually felt bad that at graduation watching all the other kids standing up waving to their parents. Someone had the words "Thank you mom and dad" glittered on their cap. A few people were actually calling their parents of cell phones "Where are you? I can't see you." It almost brought tears to my eyes, highlighting how fragile any kind of love is, how something so delicate can easily be corrupted by the world. My relations with my grandmother is even worse, the trait that sort influences my mother's relationship, defines our grandmother's relationship. She is someone who will say whatever she wants to- advice, reflections, etc. without a consideration of her audience, indeed she does not perceive her audience's opinions. However she assumes (obviously enough) they are interested in what she has to say. Normally I wouldn't care, but since she often talks about the birds and the bees, I can only guess what she is alluding to.

Its been a pretty interesting quarter. It was however shadowed by bitterness and sadness over not being able to travel to Southeast Asia. I interviewed a guy who survived cancer as a child and then went on to found an adoption ministery.  I also met this convert to Islam who was having major problems- I tried to do what I could. We're still friends, I found that to be fulfilling, and took up a lot of time that would otherwise have been spent grumbling. Alhamdulilah for that. Also it turns out that a guy from Singapore is visiting (his girlfriend is also named Tuty). That was cool because the very week I found out, I'd ordered some books from Singapore- stuff I would have bought if I had gone. I quickly canceled the delivery and arranged for my friend to pick them up. Also I made a new friend, Minam, who is also a "traditional Muslim" so that's cool, we can go to the mosque and stuff this summer. There might be some classes at the Cypress mosque we can take. I may also have a car sometime this summer, which totally opens up all vistas. I'll try to transfer to Starbucks in my home city. There is also the Cham conference. So, alhamdulilah, it looks like my summer won't be as miserable as I thought without going to Southeast Asia. I just have to trust on Allah.

Speaking of trusting Allah, there was an unpleasant event that almost happened at my graduation. I couldn't find my tickets in my room. As my mother was growling and shouting about me to my aunt, it finally happened that we got replacement tickets, near the front of the stadium, and all next to each other- whereas the ones I had lost would have been totally separate. I was extremely emotional, I was sure that eventually- maybe not today, maybe not that week- my mother would burst out against me and lash out because of this- but maybe after all she did see my losing the tickets as a blessing in itself and that if everything went right we wouldn't be able to be thankful. Maybe...she is unpredictable. But anyway, it is telling that I haven't lost anything since coming home from Singapore.

This whole year was really something else. I had a job most of the time, a stint as a operations man, and then a steady one at Starbucks until now. It turned out that my goal- saving up money for Southeast Asia- was in vain, but at least it gave me hope during the time I still thought I was going- the hope based on the fact that I was doing all that I could. Making money was cool- I could buy things from the Internet whenever I felt the urge. I had my own credit card also. And the quarter involved meeting strange and new people, such as Abdul Jabbar Hamdan, a Palestinian wrongly imprisoned (nice guy- like the grandfather I never had). The La Rouche movement and threats of being stalked (playing soccer with them in LA was cool; I'd lay on the grass before the game begun), and the cancer guy. Yeah, it was pretty cool. I guess that is something to celebrate that I finished. I was so apprehensive as a second year whetehr I could do it, but of course after coming back from Singapore was I was like "Okay, I'll plough through it." And of course Astuty...my sweetheart who made all of my misery possible, haha. "Love is pain." Anyway, after agonizing experimentation, I FINALLY found a cheap way to call Indonesia, barely 5 cents a minute. Oh yeah, I also did the LSAT this year, after three months of concentrated study last summer- haha from my eavesdropping graduation day, most people take a year off after college to study for the LSAT...I met some interesting characters this year Nema, fanatic Shia Persian, Maher- genius, Fubu- cute little monkey...I barely finished my finals this year since I procrastinated like crazy- I had to crank out three essays on Thursday. Anyways, school is over. MAy Allah have mercy on me. 

I'm finally feeling sorta good for the first time in quite a while. Now looking back on my year abroad in Southeast Asia- I remembered it with a feeling of thankfulness and gratitude, rather than resentment at it having been taken from me. And that gave me a pleasant feeling. The fact that I had an opportunity to do all of that- meet new, interesting people, having a whole new group of friends for a while, learning, studying, becoming a new person- Just the fact I was there- and I interacted with real people- its just something to be thankful for. Now its like I realize that's the secret of happiness. Because obviously it had to end eventually. You can't be a student forever, whether in America or in Singapore. So I'm happy that I went through the experience.

Of course its normal to be sad to leave behind a familiar place, especially friends, and in my case a girlfriend. And all the complications that ensued involving my parents...But InsyaAllah I hope I can maintain this habit of being thankful and raise it to a higher degree- because being thankful is a way of increasing blessings.

Hell- total discomfort- not one moment in which one can take a breath and say alhamdulilah.

            Shade is smoke, drink is boiling water, food is disgusting tree

            And this is the respite from the flame.

Luxury

            Itself not a problem

            Problem is when it deludes, distracts you, becomes your whole life

            Looking at temporal, forgetting the infinite

            Desire to be far from the state of the people of hell

                        On e of their traits is being attached to luxury

We sometimes make up the deen for ourselves “I’m fine. I’m good. Its okay”

            There is a criterion. Read the Quran, book of realities

                        Otherwise we have a self-invented system like the man of the garden

                        We will end up like him as well.

If we recite the Quran constantly it will keep directing us towards reality and our destiny.

The world makes us deceptive

Grand Mufti of Jordan: If any scholar who does not read 2 juz a day, his fatwa is worthless in my eyes

Let us be of those who sleep little in the night and in the dawn seek his forgiveness

            Reflecting on Allah’s signs…who recite the Book as it should be recited.

            Opposite of those who are deluded.

People of hell are not divided; flee away from every single level of it.

People of heaven divided so you strive for higher and higher places.

Khalidan (people of hell, singular), khaleedeena (plural) Surah Nisa’ part of the happiness of heaven is being together with the believers.

            Part of the curse of those in hell is that you are alone.

            There is no comfort in having companions in hell.

How could an all-good Lord create hellfire?

When people cut off from direct connection to Allah and revelation, they make up their own beliefs

            God loves me, its all good…(God a wonderful white dove people, etc.)

Said Nursi: Universe is like a king with great knowledge, expert in architecture. Builds marvelous palace to show how great, fine, subtle He is, incredible engravings, jewels, most exquisite layout. Spreads out feast within it, then summons all to see it. Then king has a teacher to show them all the real wisdom behind the architecture, layout etc. People come in and marvel. They eat. Some don’t care about palace, teacher, king or the wisdom. They just eat, stuff themselves burping, laughing, talking, distracting. Kings gets his guards, grows them in jail for their insolence. Those who listen, admire, etc. he puts them in a better palace to truly know his excellence.

Universe is so we can know Allah. The Prophet here to show us our place, and how it is all nothing but a sign- we look at them and love His beauty, and strive to please Him.

How many people have made themselves straight through reading of hell, realizing that life is not a joke

                        Hell is a kindness for a believer; will beat him into paradise.

Thank Allah for telling us the reality of hell; we are cheating ourselves of true bliss; if it was just heaven or dust, how many would just say well heaven is a long way, I’ll just be dust, but if He threatens us with danger, that shakes us into action.

It is an expression of Allah’s might. Angels would glorify His attributes of Muntaqim, Shadidul Iqab. For us, these names are manifested; Allah is absolute beauty and absolute might.

Someone only kind, nice, gentle, they can never be leaders or become significant

If only mighty, they can never persuade through love.

            The Prophet: Absolute beauty, absolute might

            Children  will love parents who are not over-lenient or over-harsh

Without both, one is not perfect.

Hell is image of Allah’s pure might. We look on it and realize our awe. That is half of our knowing Him- our ma’rifa.

                        Awe- fear and respect

                        Heaven- an expression of His beauty

            The two are both manifestations to know Allah.

Allah created universe for high purpose; it was created for the believers- who benefit from both heaven and hell

            But they want the One being shown by the symbols.

            He created death and life to see which of you is best.

Allah created the world “for the one who is best” not for those who are evil

No king does not have a prison, or a parent without a stick

            No respect without this.

It starts with knowledge- most simple is heaven and hell (even a child can appreciate the meanings)

            Thus one works, and through this they reach ranks of love and longing.

            Beginning is simple.

Without belief in hell, watch these people for their morals

            How many of their religious teachers have sexual perversion, extortions of money.

                        Have not realized the reality of hell.

                        Look at them as a collectivity; God is not what pleases us

They do not know Him in his might so they will not know His beauty

                        They simply made up their religion

            People of Allah care about reality, not their own desires

Logic: We are the possessions of Allah; if He is to put us in hell, it is perfectly just for Him.

Those who die as disbelievers will not be taken out of hell

As far as we are concerned: those who have never heard of Islam may well go to heaven as children and insane people

Those who throw the message back on the prophet’s face, their case is clear; never –ending punishment by Allah’s might, majesty and justice.

Emphasis: Find the people of Allah

            Actions are meant to lead to states.

            Turn to Allah; do not rely on your actions; beg Him for more.

Shagouri “I am not subject to qabd or bast I am free; My whole reality is thrown in passion”

                        No longer feels sad or happy or subject to emotion.

Ijma’- Scholarly consensus

            Element of stability in Islamic law

            Much of Islamic law is subject of consensus

But what is usually meant are those rulings not based on explicit ruling in primary texts

Ijma is based in sunna of consultation

Allah praises the believers that matters are conducted on basis of mutual consultation

Abu Bakr would gather senior companions and discuss with them, and seek agreement before proceeding

            Custom of all the three after him.

Ijma = to agree on something, to be determined.

Formal meaning (sharia science) agreement of all mujtahids in any age after the Prophet’s time upon a legal ruling.

            One does not need to take into account those who come after.

            The matter is established.

Types of Ijma’

            Agreement of opinions- all agree on a particular ruling

                        (no disagreement)

            By practice- established by practice of the Muslims, and the mujtahids upheld it

            One mujtahid gives opinion, and the rest remain silent

            One does a certain thing, and the others do not object.

                        (last three- of silence, there is difference of opinion on level it shows)

A decisive proof which must be followed and cannot be ignored

            Implications in the Quran

“My umma will not unite on error”

            “What believers deem good is what Allah deems good”

So many texts to this effect that in meaning it is considered mass transmitted

                        There is consensus that consensus is proof

            Rational proof: Ijma must have a legal basis

                        If all mujtahids agree on ruling- from what is in Quran and Sunna

When believers do not know something return it to Allah and the Messengers and those able to interpret it.

Consensus

            On caliphate of Abu Bakr (by Companions)

            The length of the khilafa

            Desirability of gathering the Quran

Consensus must have a legal basis

Prohibition on marrying grandmothers derived from prohibition on marrying one’s mother

Rice and riba; rice is included by consensus to have riba laws applying to it.

Value is stability

            Otherwise anyone can say what they will

Works on Consensus

            Many Mutazilites wrote on it.

            Ibn Hazm- noteworthy work on it

            Ibn Habira (Hanbali scholar)

            Suyuti, Ibn al Qattan, Imam Malik, Shaybani, Nawawi

Consensus is basis of religion

            Matters disagreed upon is far less

                        Usually nuances of details.

Analogy (Qiyas)

            Most rulings in sharia have a legal cause/ basis

If found in another matter not explicitly mentioned: it can be applied to that as well

            In some cases we don’t know the cause; we just submit…

            Tough process

Definition: Affrming a ruling for one matter by return to another through a shared meaning between them.

Example: “Let none of you buy upon the purchase of your brother”

Contacts is sales and buying; one makes a bid and it is accepted, do not outbid the man at that point.

By analogy it relates to rental contracts; because both lead to enmity and harmed relations

Example: “Hasten to remembrance of Allah on Fridays and leave your sales”

            Same applies to anything that delays you from the prayer.

Qiyas is exercise of ijtihad

            Only mujtahid can do it

                        Know that there is no existing text

                        Determine legal cause

If cannot establish it exactingly and subtly, one can simply make up the religion

            Four conditions for using legal cause

                        Legal cause must be a clear outward matter,

                        Determined and defined

relevant to case,

                        Must not be exclusively limited to original ruling.

Legal cause

            Sometimes found explicitly in the text

                        Intoxication is cause for prohibition of alcohol

            Or deduced by implication

            Or matter of consensus

Without these three, exacting process of determining the legal cause

            Utmost caution

                        Dangerous to use subjective reasoning.

            Done by a mujtahid who knows the ruling

Many modernists look at things the way they would please ignoring the ijma’

In most cases it’s a matter of applying established rules to a given situation

Muftis do not look at primary texts since ijtihad has taken place

His role in our times in generally to apply the rulings deduced by mujtahids to new situations

                        Which rulings apply in that situation.

                        This is the principle of fatwa, not the principle of qiyas.

                        Rarely are their cases that have never happened before.

Imam Ibn Sirin (quoted by Imam Muslim in intro) “Verily this knowledge is your religion so look carefully to whom you take your religion from.